Hi all!!! well, had been thinking about having a blog of my own from the last year or so to share with people the happenings in my life. But never expected i would be writing one at this juncture i'm in... having got rejected by most of the univs I've applied to, alone n having watched an episode of Aladdin till abt 5 am in our TV room.. singing(or rather shouting) out loud to all the crazy songs I saw along side.... wanting to vent out all my frustration on how life treated me since the last year or so.
Hmm... by now I might have put off most of u guys ... n for the few who r on the verge of closing this window but thinking what this blog mite hold.. read along...
I've never considered myself to be a good writer and so do not think much about all the syntactical(hehehe CSE guy bhaii) errors here... n so lemme write everything in the most simple, casual and straight forward manner that i like and hoping that u get the semantics(hahaha) behind it:)
My life as a student is about to finish forever n ever.. yo man i'm abt to graduate this may!!! n let me look back over on how I've spent the last 19 yrs of my life...
Had my schooling at P.E.N. in vizag. Had been arrogant through out my school days... but hey I was the topper in my class not to mention being the School's captain... winning most of the competitions at school .. be it painting, quizzing, debating n etc etc etc... Those were the best days of my life thus far and forever will remain so. Had lots n lots n lots of friends... who are still there for me.... I'm my friends... chalo lemme tell u all the fun i've had in my next bloggg ( if I do write one).
Don't want to say anything about the 3 yrs I've spent after school preparing to get into the most esteemed place of learning at this level... the IITs. N most of what I write about it revolves around one single person.. Mr. Mohan Rao - most of u might have had hands on experiences with him.. and even this is reserved for the next blogg.
03CS1007 - That is what I'm at the Indian Institute of Technology, Kharagpur. A 2003 admit into the Department of Computer Science & Engineering there.(And so I woke up at 1:30 pm to finish this.. thanks to the banging of my door with the tennis ball by my wingies who were playing cricket with the door as the stumps... woke up n yelled at them asking if it doesn't matter to 'em if some ****** is sleeping inside. SORRY mates !!! lost it again ).. And since I'm trying to keep this blog as short as possible.. lemme put it as one roller coaster ride with such good friends Ravi, Nagu n Sourish by my side all the time... who've come all the way from their halls at 12 in the nite just to make sure I'm alright tonite... Thanks for ur concern guys !!! And probably ppl who know me would remember me as the loser who broke down in the last lap , a few yards from the chequered flag... I would sign off with how my Orkut profile should reflect how I'm now...
before:
I'm just one of those guys you wud find everyday around you smiling back at u - plain, simple n casual... njoii movies n music,going out with frens, a little lazy at times (:D),love spicy indian food... n with chote chote sapne of making it BIG someday... Overall a mixed bag of emotions :)
after:
I'm just one of those many losers you wud find everyday around you smiling back at u - plain, simple n casual... irritably frustrated who prefer staying alone and numb... shouting back at "The Saints are Coming", lazy n having lost all the enthu to do things , on a diet spree... n with no more sapney... And theres just one emotion left in me... AGONY !!!!
I feel a lot better now.. a lot lot better... something I cudn't feel after having drunk 4 glasses of bournvitas... an ice tea and a cold coffee back to back... not even after punching my fist as hard a s I could at the wall(n believe me .. u won't feel the pain in ur knuckles)... not after flipping channels from 1-80-1-80 sitting alone in the TV room till 5 shouting back at the TV...
N I solemnly plead u not to form an opinion from what my blog says about me ( ofcourse, it doesn't matter now)... n I bow to the few who r still reading this line... have a gr8 day... come back here a few days later n I hope I can write to you some rosy news.. hopefully I'm back to myself pretty soon and complete my project (not that it matters much now)... N probably most of you might be thinking what an idiot i'm being for reacting this way for just being rejected by a few univs... but lemme tell you in short that it does hurt... hurt BIG time (as Ravi puts it).. especially when you've always wanted to do a PhD n having worked hard(i believe so) for the last 4 yrs.... n if this decision is about to change your life forever n ever.... from a path of getting a phd, working at MSR/google/intel and becoming an entrepreneur myself ... to something like doing a mundane job( forgot to mention i'm placed at Oracle.. not that i'm referring to Oracle as a mundane place to be at.. this is what i felt of doing job at B.Tech) for the rest of my life... 10 am to 6 pm.... n i really feel like being stabbed when ppl console me saying that "hey you still have a job with you.. so don't worry"..... but when dreams are shattered(UIUC, Gatech n UCI are still in the pipeline but no hopes of making into them.. n now even I wouldn't want to join them at this state... and having being left as the only guy in my dept. to have not being accepted as of yet) ... n not being able to live up to my own expectations ( when it comes to my happiness... my parents are like any parents who are just happy with what ever I'm and who don't weigh me down with their expectations...) ... i feel the pain of being stabbed by a thousand knives when ever I try analyzing the way I'm now...
But then from my past experiences of the year... I've learnt that my fate had taken a U-turn and hence just acknowledging things now.... n to ppl who've already started worrying as to what would happen to me ... I'm not a coward... nor a fool... I know that time heals everything... and hence waiting for my offer letter frm oracle to go n lead a passive life down in bangalore....
Adios n cheers!!!!
( P.S. Ravi, nagu, sourish or shilpa... I guess one of you guys would be the first ones to read this .......if at all i do publish this .... this is just something I've written for myself as a reminiscence of the nite when I was quite let down by myself.... )
The Edge
16 years ago
